Perseverance and the Promise.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Psalm 23:1

Hello everyone! The last time I wrote to you I talked about how God was revealing to me that as I transition into the month of September I’ll be transitioning into “promise”. Though I am still not yet entirely sure what that “promise” looks like I felt the Lord was reminding me that He’s greater than anything He could give me and that I should cling onto Him. That I should withhold nothing from Him, and trust that He’ll withhold nothing from me.

How that word has been tested and tried this month. What you’re about to read is going to be very honest and vulnerable. It’s not something I like to share often. I’d rather rejoice in Jesus and all that He’s done than ever glorify the trials or lies that come from the enemy. But I felt that there’s a word in this that wasn’t just for me.

When we see photos of missionaries we often see them in beautiful countries, hugging babies, we see big smiles on everyone’s faces. We hear amazing stories about healing, deliverance, and salvation. But there are moments, especially in the waiting, that are difficult. There’s a cost that must be counted and I am certainly not the only one that has had to count it. This season I’ve faced warfare, heartache, and truly have needed to be reminded to make the decision to cling to Christ. To withhold nothing. This season will bear fruit. This is a season that I believe will not be wasted. But nevertheless, it can be difficult. As I’ve been back home in Springfield I’ve watched as many of my friends and family have stepped into their seasons of promise. They’ve started new jobs with their college degrees. They’ve bought new cars. They’ve gotten married. They’ve moved into nice homes. Some are talking about children. They have their dream and in my eyes they have stability and consistency.

I truly am overjoyed for them and all that God has done in their life, I would want nothing else for them. But sometimes I think to myself “what am I doing?”. Last week I was driving down a backroad. In front of me was a minivan with a Kansas City Chiefs sticker on their back windshield. Behind me, was a little car being driven by a woman that had all sorts of Evangel University parking stickers on their front windshield. I was sandwiched between these vehicles most of the way home and though I was going the speed limit, the entire time this car with the Evangel stickers was tailing me pretty closely. It sounds silly but I had tears streaming down my face as I thought “this car behind me can smash into me very easily but there’s still a great distance left between the one in front of me”. Sometimes the space between Kansas City and Springfield is hard. Knowing there’s this need to fundraise to keep going back to what I feel the Lord is calling me to is very difficult. Knowing I was on the way to a college degree at Evangel and left it all is sometimes hard. Though I do have great friends and family, I often feel quite lonely here. I feel as though there's a great distance between myself and the promise. Yet, this past filled with promises that weren’t meant for me, at least right now, is trailing right behind me.

The bible makes it very clear: you shall not covet. Yet there I was, desperately desiring what those around me have. Allowing the enemy to use the promises for those around me to distract me from the promise that is only found in Jesus. When Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness he promised to give Jesus what already belonged to Him. Anything that the enemy tempts you with is only a delusion that ultimately obstructs your view of the true promise. Jesus is the one who holds the promises, because He is the promise. In Psalm 23, the very first verse is “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” I shall not want anything other than the Good Shepherd. He alone fulfills every desire I could ever want. He gives you the desires of your heart when He becomes the desire. He never denies the one that is desperate for Him. He’s the One who I am still confident lies me down in green pastures, the one who leads me beside quiet waters. He refreshes my soul, He makes my cup overflow, and I choose to dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Because one day with Him is better than one thousand days elsewhere.

I was recently reminded of Luke 1:45 “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” This scripture came out of Elizabeth’s mouth, and was directed to Mary after John the Baptist leaped in Elizabeth’s womb. Both of these women literally carried this promise of God within them. Promises that required more perseverance than I could even imagine. Yet, Elizabeth called it the favor of God. A pregnancy in her old age that would become the birth of a man who was so hated and rejected for the message of repentance that he carried as he prepared the way for Jesus that he was martyred. Mary’s reputation would never be the same, and she’s told as Jesus is just a baby “a sword will pierce through your soul.” Yet her cry was “let it be to me according to Your word” and her song was “my soul magnifies the Lord”. There was a cost to this promise that these two women carried. Yet they knew that though this promise wouldn’t come easy, it was all worth it. This would not only be a part of their story, but the story of thousands of generations. How grateful I am that they chose “yes” even in the midst of hardship and I’m sure even temptation.

What if the promise isn’t just about me? What if the promise isn’t just about you? What if this promise that God has given you to carry will change generations? What if the story is bigger than anything we could ever think of?

There I was again, only a few days ago, alone in my car. Once again with tears streaming down my face as I think about the boy I met in the square with nowhere to call home. As I think of the child back in the Philippines with no shoes and no water. As I think of a little girl in Guatemala who was taken away from her family because of the horrible harm they inflicted on her. As I think of the man in Hy-Vee who said that he has never heard the voice of God outside of church. As I think about the 3.2 billion people on this planet who have yet to even hear the name of Jesus Christ. What if the promise is for them? If I have felt loneliness and heartache, even with all the blessings I have in addition to this friend I have in Jesus. How much more do they? They must know about this hope. They must know about this promise. How could our hearts not break for the ones who have yet to receive the promise that is found in Jesus? How could I ever trade my path for what is known to the rest of the world as “stability” and “security” when there are so many who don’t even know salvation?

Yes it’s true, we must count the cost of following Jesus, but I believe that we’ll always reach the conclusion that He’s worth what He paid for. May the love He displayed in shedding His own blood compel us to give Him His full inheritance in us. That is really the only way we’ll find our true inheritance in Him.

Updates & Announcements:

I arrived back home from YWAM Messenger Kid’s camp. I had such a blast with the kiddos and would love to be a counselor again next year!
2 local outreaches with friends here in Springfield this last month! 1 in Hy-vee and another at the Springfield Central Park Square.
I am grateful to have had a short little reunion in Springfield with many friends from back when I was on the Mercy Train in Florida. Many of these friends I haven’t seen in over 2 years. The Mercy Train is very close to my heart and I believe that the discipleship and Jesus family I gained while with them, even if it was just a short time, planted this desire in my heart for missional community and discipleship.
Only 16 more days until I’m all moved back in on the YWAM KC campus. Lots of upcoming goodbye’s!
I have partnered with Bonfire to sell hoodies and t-shirts that can help bring in some funds for future local outreach and missions abroad, if you’re interested in purchasing any, here is the link that takes you directly to the campaign: https://www.bonfire.com/compelled-commissioned/?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=campaign_details_share&utm_campaign=compelled-commissioned&utm_content=default

Prayer Requests:

Spiritual strength and perseverance
More laborers to be sent into the harvest field that is Springfield, MO. We saw a great need while in the Springfield park square but it is not the safest for us to continue to go alone. We need friends/connections with others that have a desire to evangelize in the square.
Please pray for the people we met living in the Springfield Park Square. It was heartbreaking to hear much of their stories as to how they ended up living on the streets and feeling trapped in this cycle of addiction. Many are lonely, spiritually bound, and physically unsafe. We met a woman who has many health concerns. We met one older man who ended up getting transported to the hospital by ambulance while we were there as he was heavily drugged and didn’t look like he was doing well at all. Two men helped us lay him down on a mattress and take care of him. One of these men was arrested while we were there. The other man just turned 18. He is struggling living on the streets and has attempted to take his own life 4 times.

Sincerely,

Jessica Lawrence

Loving the Least.

Withholding Nothing, I Find Myself Holding Onto You